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  I laughed. “Joe?”

  She nodded. “Where the hell has he been hiding all my life? Oh, wait, I actually know the answer. He’s been right here the whole time. Isn’t that crazy?”

  “He just needed some help in coming out of his shell,” I said. “Grape?”

  She popped one into her mouth. “I guess whatever you were helping the interns with worked. He went from too shy to talk to me to totally making me like him.”

  I glanced at her. “So you don’t think what I did, giving them advice and tips and makeovers, was stupid and shallow?”

  “A little shallow. But I have to say, the results are excellent.”

  “You didn’t have to change, though,” I pointed out. “You stayed exactly the same. And a guy who has had a huge secret crush on you forever did all this for you—went in with Avery and Elinor to pay me, changed his look, changed the way he acts and talks to people.”

  “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me,” she said. “That’s the difference between me and a lot of other people. Including the asshats who try to get me down or put me on the Not list or call me Farmer Brown in the halls. I like how I look. And I had no problem with the way Joe used to look. I just never talked to him because he was so shy and kept to himself.”

  “Not anymore. I guess you have a boyfriend.”

  She smiled.

  “So I have all the money I need to get to Dad’s wedding,” I said. “But I don’t even know if I want to go anymore. Dad hasn’t e-mailed me back in two days about what day I should fly in. Thom doesn’t even return my texts anymore. The only reason to go is to—” I stopped and slumped over the table, my head in the crook of my elbow.

  “To what?”

  “To get away from my friends.”

  “Your friends are everywhere,” she said. “There are girls like that in every school. If you move to California, you’ll just get sucked into the new crowd of jerk popular girls.”

  I let out a deep breath. “So what am I supposed to do?”

  “That I can’t help you with. But I can tell you what Aunt Darcy would tell you. You’re just supposed to be you.”

  • • •

  Surprise, surprise. My dad finally got back to me.

  Sweetsies, Tiffs and I are so happy you want to come, but I feel terrible that you’ll be spending your own money to fly out. I wish I had the extra to cover it, honey. It’s going to be such a small wedding that honestly, you’ll feel like you’re there if you watch the video. But if you do want to come, you could fly in the night before and try to sleep on the plane. Let me know what you decide. Love to you and Sabrina.—Dad

  How touching. He really didn’t care whether I came to his wedding. Just like Sabrina had said. He almost deserved for me to fly out and tell him I was moving in. That would ruin his perfect little life with Tiffs. I had the date; I had the money. And I had the Web browser open on my computer to CheapTickets.com. I sat there, staring at the lowest-priced airline reservations from Portland, Maine, to Los Angeles, California. A one-way ticket was now $402.39, if I flew at 6 a.m. and connected twice.

  I hovered over the purchase tickets button but couldn’t click it.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Did I miss anything after I left?

  Like did you and Sam hook up?—M

  No response.

  Chapter 19

  The whispering began in homeroom on Monday morning. Not about me. About Avery Kennar.

  “Omigod, did you know that Avery Kennar has a baby and passes it off as her little sister? That’s why she had to move here. So no one would know it was her kid!”

  “You can’t tell anyone this, but Avery Kennar has herpes. Someone overheard her filling a prescription at Rite Aid.”

  “The guy who got her pregnant wasn’t even the guy who gave it to her. Can you believe she’s such a slut?”

  “The baby has herpes now because of her. Omigod, that is so sad!”

  I heard variations of both those rumors all morning. Tate “confirmed” that Avery had herpes and that he’d found out in the “nick of time” in a bedroom at Sam’s party. “Dude, I was like one inch away from doing her when I saw the skeevy outbreak.”

  Since it came out of Tate’s mouth and everyone saw him and Avery together at Sam’s party, Avery and her herpes were now fact. The baby rumor was believed to be only 90 percent true, since no one knew if she even had a little sister in the first place.

  At lunch, Fergie said, “I wonder which school Avery will transfer to. Maybe she’ll just go to the public high school. She’ll probably change her name.”

  Caro winked at Tate.

  Bitch. Avery had tried to take Caro and Fergie down, and Caro had more than destroyed her—Caro had made Avery disappear. Avery wasn’t in English class that morning. She’d probably heard the rumors in homeroom and fled.

  I wondered what Caro had promised Tate to get him to betray a girl he’d obviously liked.

  “Did she ever return my shoes?” Caro asked me.

  I stared at her. “You want them back?”

  “It’s just the principle,” Caro said before snapping an edamame pod in half.

  “Yeah, it’s the principle,” Fergie repeated like a good little sidekick. Like a sheep.

  Caro had been cool since the party. She’d picked me up that morning, same as always. Met me between classes. But she was distant. I’d asked if she’d gotten my text Saturday night and again asked what had happened between her and Sam at his party, but she had said that she’d decided not to kiss and tell anymore, that it was in bad taste.

  I was dying.

  Had they hooked up? Sam wasn’t around at lunch, because he was on some sports committee that met then and they got to eat catered food. And after English class, Sam had left without even looking my way.

  They were probably together. The new It Couple.

  “So, Madeline,” Fergie said as she clicked open her compact, “I assume you’re sitting with me and Annie and Selena at the Lobster Claw Teen Queen Pageant and not with the farm freak’s cheering committee. Does she even have any friends? She’ll probably get laughed off the stage. Or booed. Poor thing.”

  “Of course she’ll sit with you guys,” Caro said, staring at me, snapping another edamame.

  I had to get out of there. Away from Caro. Just away.

  And there was someone I wanted to see.

  I had study period after lunch, so I got a library pass and then snuck out to Avery’s house. Her mom answered the door and said Avery had come home sick from school and it was so nice that I’d come to see how she was feeling.

  I knew how she was feeling.

  I knocked on her door, and she called, “It’s open, Mom.”

  I opened it and poked my head in. “It’s me.”

  She practically jumped—and then burst into tears.

  I walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge. “Avery, what the hell were you thinking?” I handed her a tissue from the box that was already on her bed.

  “I just thought I could be one of you guys,” she said, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. “If I looked the part, if I had the attention of one of the cool guys—you know, just like you did it. But Caro still wouldn’t talk to me at school. Neither would her little friends. So I figured I’d make a total scene and work my way in by being totally fierce.”

  “‘Fierce’ is a good word for it, actually.”

  “Do you hate me?” she asked.

  “Nope. I actually admire you, Avery. What you did was brilliant and took guts. They might have blasted you today, but you blasted them first. You showed them up.”

  “Yeah, well, now I have herpes and a kid.”

  I squeezed her hand. “I’ll take care of that, Avery. I used to be really well known at school for giving advice and tips and actually talking to people. I’m going to write an editorial for the school paper. About how crazy it is what people will do for popularity. Even me. And I’m
going to say that you were trying to fit in and some girls got jealous and started very nasty rumors about you. Rumors that aren’t true.”

  She sat up. “You’d do that? Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  “Because you hate your friends and don’t care if they ever talk to you again? Because they won’t, I assume.”

  I shrugged. “Don’t know and don’t care anymore. That’s the cool thing about what you did, Avery. You didn’t care about what some mean girls thought about you. You did what you wanted. Fergie likes Tate? So what? He’s single and isn’t into her, obviously. So you went for him.”

  Like I’d been afraid to do with Sam. And I’d lost him to Caro, who thought I was a big drip now anyway.

  I stayed at Avery’s for the next hour, totally blowing off American government. We talked and talked and talked, about who we used to be, who we’d become, who we wanted to be. We had a lot in common.

  “Oh, and I’ll apologize to your parents for taking up an internship at the farm,” she said. “I really hate that place. No offense. I only took the spot to try to get close to you and Sam.”

  I smiled. “I figured.”

  She let out a deep breath. “I know it’s time to let go of the fake stuff and just be who I really am. Though I am going to fake a fever with a hot thermometer and use makeup to look pale until that newspaper comes out. No way am I going to school before that.”

  I smiled. “I’m going to let go of the fake too. And I know where I have to begin.”

  Chapter 20

  The next night, I lay on my bed, staring at the sliver of moonlight against the dark ceiling of my room. It was just past ten o’clock. I called Thom. And he actually answered. His voice didn’t send shivers down my back or make my stomach feel all warm and goopy. It was just nice to hear.

  “Thom, I think I already know the answer … . I shouldn’t spend $402 on an airline ticket to California, right?”

  “Madeline, I—”

  “You can tell me, Thom. You have a new girlfriend, right?”

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen. Maddie, I really tried. But there was this girl who really understood about having a long-distance relationship, because she’d had one, and it hadn’t worked out, and … now things have gotten—I’m sorry, Madeline. I should have said something.”

  “It’s okay, Thom. Honestly, I’m glad you’re happy.”

  “That means a lot. Thanks. You know, I feel like a jerk for even saying this, but can we be friends? I mean, I know we won’t have a lot of reason to keep up, but you’ll always mean a lot to me, Madeline.”

  I smiled. It was a bittersweet goodbye. “Me too.”

  “Say hi to everyone for me, okay?”

  “I will.”

  And then he said goodbye and was really gone.

  Saturday morning, I sent my dad a quick reply to his e-mail, saying that he was right and I’d just watch the video. I’d let go of that. I’d let go of Thom. And I needed to let Sam go too. He was with Caro now. But I didn’t want things to be weird between me and Sam. I glanced out my window to see if he was around, and there he was, in front of a cow stall in the barn, managing to look gorgeous with a grooming brush in his hand. I slipped into my Wellies and headed outside. It was a sunny morning, so bright that I had to shield my eyes.

  “Hey,” he said, taking off his sunglasses.

  “Hey.”

  Don’t cry, I told myself. Just make things okay and walk away.

  “So, Thom and I just officially broke up. I was the last to know, apparently.”

  “You okay?” he asked, brushing away flies from the cow.

  I lifted my face to the warm June sunshine. “Yeah. It’s not like I didn’t know deep down. I mean, he’s been blowing me off since the first week he left. But it’s so official. Two years of my life over, just like that. I guess that’s why I held on to hope for so long.”

  “Hope’s good, Madeline. Hope is everything. Even when it’s blown to bits.”

  “Well, that’s how I feel. Blown to bits. Not because of Thom. Because of everything.”

  He stopped brushing and stared at the ground. “Me too. Caro told me, okay?”

  “Told you what?”

  He resumed brushing. Harder than before, which the cow seemed to like. “That you and James are together now.”

  That bitch! “Sam, I don’t even like James as a person. We’re not together. We’ve never been together.”

  “So she lied?”

  I sighed. “Look, I don’t want to make things weird between you and Caro. I’m happy for you guys if you’re happy together.”

  “Me and Caro, together? Huh?”

  “Aren’t you together?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t even like her as a person.”

  That hope that had been blown to bits restored itself. A burst of happiness shot up every inch of my body. “You and Caro didn’t hook up? She’s not your girlfriend?”

  “There’s nothing about Caro Alexander I like, Madeline. I’ve heard some really mean stuff come out of Caro’s mouth. Yeah, she’s beautiful. But it’s not enough.”

  And then we were standing closer together. Closer. Closer. And then we were kissing.

  “Come to the Spring Fling dance with me,” he whispered in my ear.

  He kissed me again before I could answer.

  “I’d love to,” I said. And kissed him back.

  Chapter 21

  I found out Sam and I kissed for the first time on his sixteenth birthday. I wanted to get him a little present, so after breakfast, I grabbed my messenger bag and headed downtown, figuring that some shopping would perk me up and give me time to think. The early June air was warm, yet not humid, and the breeze felt amazing on my face as I pedaled down Flying Point Road toward town.

  I rode to The Mangy Moose, which had really fun stuff in it, like cool umbrellas and great T-shirts. I found the perfect T-shirt for Sam and had it wrapped. As I was heading back, knowing I had to hurry to get ready for the pageant, I noticed the store Elinor had mentioned on a side street. Retro Girl. I wasn’t into vintage stuff, so I’d never been in there. But I could see a hot pink dress in the window.

  I leaned my bike against a fire hydrant and walked over to check out the dress. It was really cool, like something a movie star from the forties would wear. I glanced at the price tag: $425.00. Below the price, in large red letters, it said, It’s silk, people.

  I stood there and stared at that dress and knew what I was going to do with all that money Elinor and Joe and Avery had paid me. And twenty-five dollars of my own.

  I rode to Elinor’s house with my messenger bag slung across my torso and the dress over my shoulder, against my back. Riding with one hand wasn’t easy, but at least Elinor lived only a few minutes away.

  I rang the bell and waited.

  Elinor pulled open the door. Her hair looked great—smooth, shiny ringlets. But her dress? Not so much. It was an ill-fitting off-white one that was either too long or too short. It ended midcalf. “Hi,” she said, clearly surprised.

  “I have a present for you,” I said, handing her the dress bag.

  She stared at the red calligraphy across the bag: Retro Girl. “What’s this?”

  “Open it,” I said.

  She slid down the zipper, and the hot pink flower appeared. She gasped and stared from the dress to me and back to the dress.

  “But—”

  “But it’s time for you to change out of that and slip into this,” I said.

  Her hand flew to her mouth. “I can’t believe you did this, Madeline. This dress cost even more than I paid you.”

  “Okay, so my gift back to you, then.”

  Her lip began to tremble. “I’m really, really, really touched. Thank you,” she said, tears pooling in her eyes.

  She was about to bawl, so I gave her a quick hug and told her I’d see her at the pageant.

  And then I rode home, feeling better than I had in a long time.

&nbs
p; That afternoon, Caro won the Lobster Claw Teen Queen Pageant for the third year in a row. Wearing a demure pink dress and sandals she would normally dismiss as “so middle school,” she sang that old Whitney Houston song about how children were our future. She smiled sweetly—for an hour and a half. And she read her completely fake essay with feeling, even tearing up when she got to the part about the importance of teens volunteering in the community and helping those less fortunate.

  Elinor, in her gorgeous hot pink dress, read a passage about the importance of imagination from her favorite book, Anne of Green Gables, and placed third. Which meant she beat out five other girls. Which meant she was jumping up and down with complete and utter joy.

  “For a farm freak, Smelinor wasn’t half bad,” Fergie said as we got up from the hard metal folding chairs. “I expected her to stand there and burst into tears like she did in Latin last month. And I like her dress. I can’t believe I like it, but I do. It’s so forties glam.”

  I smiled. “She’s worked really hard on her confidence. And look how smooth and shiny her ringlets are. She’s totally gotten rid of the frizz.” She still wore the purple glasses, because she loved them. But overall, she looked eccentric and arty instead of just plain weird. And she looked happy. Really happy.

  Fergie, Selena, and Annie went to congratulate Caro. I said I’d catch up and went over to where Elinor was hugging and kissing her relatives.

  “Third place!” Elinor trilled, showing me her ribbon and plaque. “My stepmother is so impressed.” She leaned close. “She’ll be off my back forever!”

  “Congratulations!” I told her. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “I can’t tell you what a boost this dress gave me,” she said, staring down at it. “I felt amazing up there wearing it. I felt like the homecoming queen or something.”

  Her relatives pulled her over to take pictures. She smiled huge smiles, twirling around in her gorgeous hot pink dress with her ribbon and plaque clutched against her chest.