For the Twins' Sake Page 14

  Sara grinned. “See you tomorrow, Daize.”

  She watched Daisy leave, feeling buoyed for both of them—and thinking she should pay Connie for eavesdropping so much on just the first day. She smiled as two women approached to grab bananas and noticed Tabitha Corey heading out of the lodge. Instead of turning right for the cabins, Tabitha went straight on the path that led to the creek.

  Go talk to her. If she doesn’t want company, her body language or expression will let you know and you’ll give her space.

  Sara grabbed two waters and two small bags of pretzels and followed her, hoping she wasn’t overstepping.

  She saw Tabitha sitting on one of the large rocks that faced the creek, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs. Almost like a self-hug.

  “Hi, Tabitha,” Sara said gently so as not to startle her.

  Tabitha turned around, eyes wide, but she seemed to relax when she saw it was Sara.

  “Water and pretzels?” Sara offered, holding them out.

  “Sure,” Tabitha said. “I wanted to stop and take something to drink and nibble on, but I didn’t want to get caught up in chatting with the group. I’m feeling pretty talked out, and I’ve barely said ten words all day.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  Tabitha tilted her head. “I’m sorry about your husband. I would have attended the funeral, but I didn’t hear a thing about it.”

  Sara opened her water. “Willem was very clear about not wanting a funeral. He instructed his lawyer to spread his ashes in the Bear Ridge River at sunset.”

  Tabitha raised an eyebrow and looked a bit surprised.

  “Our marriage was pretty awful,” she admitted, and it felt good to say it aloud to someone besides Noah. The truth was the truth.

  Tabitha gasped. “I thought you had this perfect life!”

  “Oh, I’d say it was quite the opposite. I’m working on creating the right life for me and my twins, though.”

  Tabitha looked confused again, as if she’d probably thought Sara had only one child, a baby son. But Sara didn’t want to get into the details.

  “I’ve been eavesdropping on Connie’s talks,” Sara admitted, popping a pretzel into her mouth. “I find her so inspiring and helpful and comforting. I only caught the last five minutes, but luckily it was a wrap-up and I applied the question to my own life. What do I really want? I was surprised to have an immediate answer.”

  “Me too,” Tabitha said. “I mean, I know what I want. How to achieve it, another story.”

  Sara was so curious. But she couldn’t just ask Tabitha what she wanted. It was personal, and if her old friend wanted to share, that would be one thing.

  “From the outside, I probably look pretty blessed,” Tabitha said. “Well, if you don’t look too closely at me lately.” She flipped up a hank of her frizzy hair.

  “You’re clearly engaged,” Sara prompted, gesturing at the at least two-carat diamond ring sparkling in the moonlight. She’d seen Tabitha with the endodontist with his movie star–like blond hair and easy laugh at a fund-raising barbecue once. They looked like the perfect couple. But who knew better than Sara at how deceiving appearances were?

  Tabitha stared at her ring. “I opened up to my mother about how I’m not sure I even love Philip, that I’m not sure I can go through with the engagement. Want to know what she said to me this morning before I left for the retreat?” she asked, looking up at Sara. “She said, ‘All this finding yourself nonsense will find you alone and miserable. Your father and I will be very disappointed if you ruin your opportunity for a good life.’”

  “By marrying your fiancé?”

  Tabitha nodded. “He’s the son of close friends of my parents. I’ve known him a long time. He checks a lot of the boxes.”

  “Which ones?” Sara asked, hoping she wasn’t going too far.

  “Well, for one, my parents are often disappointed in me for this or that, and I had their absolute approval for, I think, the first time in dating Philip and ‘getting yourself proposed to,’ as my mother put it. She actually told me she was proud of me for accomplishing that.” She shook her head and turned away.

  “So you don’t actually love him?”

  “He’s all right. He’s a good person. He’s a mansplainer and we don’t agree politically, and there’s not a lot of chemistry in bed, if you know what I mean.” She sighed. “He has a lot of good qualities, though. And I’m twenty-nine and single, as my mom points out often. She always says, ‘I don’t know who you think is out there that would be better than Philip. No one you meet will be perfect. Especially a guy you fall madly in love with. He’ll be the worst.’”

  Sara thought back to the Noah Dawson of two years ago. Even overbearing mothers had a point sometimes.

  “Over the years I did get my heart broken a couple times by guys I fell hard for,” Tabitha added. “So I know what she means. But still. Am I really supposed to settle like this? Marry the guy who seems right but really isn’t?” She burst into tears and covered her face with her hands, her ring glinting on her finger.

  “I’m so glad you came here, Tabitha,” Sara said. “At the very least, you have a week away from your parents and Philip to really think. And to apply Connie’s questions.”

  “What if my mother is right? What if it’s guy after guy, one who wants me, one I don’t want, never two of us in love, and I end up alone? I want a husband. I want children.” Her voice broke. “I met a guy in the coffee shop the other day. A cowboy. He said he was a bull rider, hoping to win big in the rodeo. The way he talked about the rodeo and his love for it, how his dad took him to rodeos every weekend as a kid, he just stole my heart. He wasn’t even necessarily flirting with me. He was just talking, Sara. He probably has a serious girlfriend, because he left, no name, no number, no nothing. But he made me realize that guy is out there. A guy who could rivet me that way, you know?”

  Sara nodded. “I know. I always felt that way about Noah Dawson. That no one would ever compare. He wasn’t ready when we were actually a couple. But he’s ready now.”

  But was Noah actually ready now? He’d told her he fully agreed their marriage should be strictly platonic. That meant he didn’t really trust himself with her or with their relationship.”

  Still, they were working toward something. “If circumstances hadn’t brought me back to him...”

  Huh. She hadn’t really thought of it like that until just now. Circumstances had brought her back. That was how life worked.

  “So if you hadn’t lost Willem,” Tabitha said, “you’d still be in your awful marriage when the man of your dreams was waiting here the whole time.”

  Sara gasped. That was exactly it. She nodded, vaguely, trying to take it in, digest it, process it. Things with Noah weren’t going to be a fairy tale, but right now, Sara needed to think of the twins.

  “That means the right guy for me might be out there too. I can settle and have my parents’ approval. Or I can work toward finding the right man for me. Who knows, he might be in line in front of me in a coffee shop. Or leading the advanced riding lessons at the stables I love going to every chance I get.”

  Sara gave Tabitha’s hand a squeeze. “Sounds like you’re answering a lot of your questions.”

  Tabitha nodded. “I need to go do my homework. Write down what I want and how to achieve it. One of the problems has always been that I do want my parents’ approval. I always have. If I give Philip back his ring, they’ll be not only disappointed but furious. They won’t understand.”

  “Well, maybe it’ll help to write down the steps you could take to deal with that,” Sara said. “If a harmonious relationship with your parents is very important to you, then write down some ways you could keep that while doing what you need to do to be happy. Your parents aren’t living your life. You are.”

  “I keep telling myself that,
hoping it’ll sink in,” she said. She stood up, and so did Sara. “I’m so glad you came to talk. This has been really helpful.”

  “For me too,” she said.

  They hugged and then headed back up the trail toward the lodge. Tabitha turned left for the cabins and Sara went right for the foreman’s cabin.

  Ping. A text. She took out her phone. It was from Noah. Even the connection by text gave her a line of goose bumps up the nape of her neck.

  Just got a text from the Converse County Gazette. The review of the ranch is running tomorrow. I have a stomachache.

  The review will be glowing, she texted back. The place is amazing and the guests love it. 5 stars.

  He texted back a smiley emoji and a thumbs-up.

  It struck her that you could only control so much. Noah had done the hard work and should be proud and pleased and expect that glowing review. But who knew if the reporter was a jerk or prickly or didn’t like the color forest green or chili or the horse Noah had chosen for his mini trail ride.

  All she knew was that she wanted to get back to the cabin—to be close to him. To think about what she’d said, what Tabitha had said. The man of her dreams waiting here for her this whole time... Maybe the timing was finally right, even if they were talking about a platonic marriage. And maybe she should grasp onto how she felt and not let go. Taking a leap of faith was hardly a way to feel safe in the world.

  Except Noah did make her feel safe.

  And the exact opposite.

  Chapter Ten

  B-rrrrring! B-rrring!

  Noah opened an eye, then aimed it toward his alarm clock—6:14 a.m. His alarm would go off at six thirty, but someone was pressing the doorbell to his cabin like it was on fire.

  Ping! Ping-ping!

  Now someone was texting him. He grabbed his phone. It was Daisy.

  Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, his sister texted. Open up! Hurry!

  He pulled on jeans and rushed out of his bedroom, meeting Sara in her bathrobe on the stairs. “Something’s wrong,” he said, panic edging his voice. “The ranch or Daisy’s baby?”

  Sara’s eyes widened. “Oh God.” She practically flew down the stairs and unlocked the door.

  Daisy came in, clutching her phone.

  “Is the baby okay? Should I call nine-one-one?” Noah asked.

  Daisy stared at him as though he had two heads. “The baby is fine! The review is up!”

  Noah felt himself relax for exactly one second, then all his muscles bunched up again, and his stomach flip-flopped.

  “Did you read it?” he asked. “Positive or negative?”

  Daisy shook her head. “I haven’t read it. I just saw the headline and hurried over.”

  “How’s the headline?” Sara asked.

  “Very neutral,” Daisy said. “‘Dawson Family Guest Ranch has grand reopening in Bear Ridge’”

  Noah sucked in a breath. “Okay, read it.”

  Daisy nodded. “‘The once famed and popular Dawson Family Guest Ranch, which reopened Friday after years closed, is an absolute delight.’” She jumped up and down as much as a six-months-pregnant woman could. “An absolute delight!” she repeated.

  Noah’s legs almost gave out in pure relief. He dropped down on the second step.

  “‘From the immaculate grounds to the family-friendly vibe,’” Daisy continued, “‘the guest ranch is a paradise tucked away toward the woods in Bear Ridge and offers riding and lessons, retreat space, a full-service cafeteria, a lodge, a petting zoo, and bountiful, well-marked trails, including several that lead to the creek. Fishing gear is available for free rental. The cabins, like the entire ranch, manage to be rustic and modern at the same time and contain everything a guest might need. The horses are gentle, and even the sheep look happy to be living at the Dawson Family Guest Ranch.’” Daisy did a little dance, turning completely around. “Even the sheep look happy!” she repeated. “Could this be any better?”

  “Congratulations, Noah,” Sara said. She gave him a quick hug—too quick.

  Then his sister did. “I say we celebrate with decaf and bagels and cream cheese. I have such a craving. Please tell me you have veggie cream cheese.”

  “I actually bought some the other night,” Sara said with a grin. “Sesame bagels or plain or everything?”

  “Everything, of course,” Daisy said.

  They headed into the kitchen, Daisy going for the coffee maker, Sara for the bagels and Noah for the fridge to get the cream cheese. When everything was ready, they all sat down and toasted with their coffee mugs.

  “To the Dawson Family Guest Ranch,” Sara said.

  “Hear, hear,” Noah added with a clink.

  Noah’s phone lit up. Every one of his brothers either called or texted, and Cowboy Joe texted, as did several of the staff.

  I did this—and I can be the husband and father of your children that you want, he sent silently to Sara. He slugged down a gulp of coffee. Where the hell did that come from all of a sudden? Well, maybe not so all of a sudden, since he’d been lobbying for the position for days. But earning Sara’s yes meant everything to him.

  What are you thinking? he wanted to ask her as she sipped her coffee and read the review for herself on Daisy’s phone.

  A yes from Sara and his life would be complete.

  A cry came from the nursery, and Sara headed upstairs. He wanted to go with her, to take care of the twins together, to be true partners. In the platonic sense of the word. At first he’d been hoping they could be more than platonic, but then he’d realized that was asking for trouble. He’d messed up terribly once with Sara and couldn’t risk that again.

  “Everything okay, brother dear?” Daisy asked, peering at him over the rim of her coffee mug. “You suddenly look like a guy who didn’t just get a rave review from a major newspaper.”

  “I proposed to Sara,” he whispered. “I don’t think she’s going to say yes.”

  “Well, I have one piece of advice for you,” she whispered back. “And you can thank Connie Freedman and her talks for that. Find out what she wants—what she really wants—and see if that’s something you can provide. Maybe she’s unsure.”

  He stared at his sister. What Sara wanted? Didn’t he know? “She wants security. After everything she’s been through? The rug pulled out from under her? Lies and deceit? Being left penniless? She wants security. I can provide that on every level.”

  “Okay, she wants security. But I said what she really wants. You’re going to have to dig deeper under the umbrella term, Noah.”

  “Umbrella term? What?”

  “Security. What does that actually mean for Sara? To Sara? Is it about money? She has a good job. A comfortable home? She has that now. So what is it she really wants?”

  Oh God. He was bad at this. “If you know, please tell me. Right this second.”

  “I don’t know. But if you want to marry Sara, you need to find out. And make sure you can give it to her. Or there’s no point.”

  What did Sara really want? Women were kind of mysterious. Everyone knew that. Was this some deep, dark puzzle or something simple?

  Sara came down the stairs, eyes shining with love for the baby in her arms—Chance. “Annabel’s still asleep.”

  As his sister doted on Chance and Sara made a bottle for him, Noah stared at his bagel, wondering what Sara wanted and if he’d ever find out.

  * * *

  Over the weekend and the following days of the Get Your Groove Back retreat, Sara continued her—now sanctioned—eavesdropping on Connie’s talks and did her homework. She’d let Connie know the second morning how inspiring she found the talks, and the life coach invited her to listen in on all the lectures. Daisy joined her often, writing in her notebook, and Sara thought her friend seemed more at peace about the idea of being a single mother. Sara had tried to engage Tabitha a
few times, but her old friend had told her she just needed to do some deep soul searching and take long walks and rides and do her homework. On the final day of the retreat, Sara thought Tabitha looked as conflicted as she had the first day.

  “I don’t think my friend Tabitha got her groove back,” Sara said as they straightened chairs in the lodge. “I wish I had all the answers.”

  “Me too. Because you could tell me if I should trust Jacob.”

  “Jacob?” Sara repeated.

  “The dad,” Daisy said, patting her belly. “He showed up on my doorstep last night and said he felt guilty about just running away. He isn’t sure what he wants, though.”

  There was a lot of that going around.

  “What did he say?” Sara asked.

  “He just kept saying he felt guilty and a man shouldn’t shirk his responsibilities and that maybe we could just take it day by day. What the hell is that? I’m six months pregnant. This isn’t a dress rehearsal.” She sighed. “Or maybe it is. Maybe we should get to know each other through this stage, knowing the baby is coming in three short months. Maybe we’ll really see who we are.” Daisy always looked so sure of herself, and right now, she seemed anything but. “What do you think, Sara?”

  “Sounds to me like you want to try,” Sara said.

  “I have to, right? I feel like even though he disappointed me once, he is the baby’s father, and he is asking for a chance. If I don’t at least try, I might regret that.”

  “Do you still have feelings for him?” Sara asked.

  Daisy nodded. “There’s something there. I tamped all that down over the past months. I don’t know if it’s him or the fact that he is my baby’s father and it’s more that than anything. I just don’t know, and I hate being so out of tune with myself.”

  “I know what you mean,” Sara said, giving Daisy’s hand a squeeze.

  “Here’s a photo of Jacob.” Daisy held up her phone. “The face helps, and it shouldn’t.”

  Sara stared at the picture of an extremely cute blond surfer cowboy–looking guy with twinkling green eyes and a wide smile.